Forgiveness is something that has been misrepresented in our modern culture. Most people think that forgiveness means you are absolving the other person of their actions against you, and that their actions are ok. That is not forgiveness. You forgive others so that you feel better. You are actually releasing the power they have over your thoughts.
Now that that is cleared up, lets move on to how you actually do that. I tried so many different things in the past that just didn’t work for me. I still felt angry, betrayed, and abandoned. Carrying around that baggage will eventually overwhelm your mind and body and make you ill.
I am going to give you a powerful method, which I paid a lot of money to learn. It was the first step in learning that I was able to release some of the pain, and take back my power.
First let me say that this is not a quick fix. Anything worthwhile is going to take time to resolve. You need to dedicate yourself, and put in the work.
Soooo, here goes:
Step 1. Make a list of the people who trigger you, or make you feel bad about yourself. This can take awhile. Some will be obvious, others may be just a brief encounter that you still hold on to. Do this with pen and paper. You will see why later.
Step 2. Give each person on your list their own page, and list ALL the specific times you can think of that they “wronged” you. Focus on one person at a time. Really put some thought into it. This may take some time, especially with people you have had in your life a long time. You may actually need multiple pages for some people.
Step 3. Start with the “lesser” people, those that have the shorter list of things needing to be released. Focus on each incident on the list one at a time. Really feel the emotions that come up. One by one, as you hold the thought of releasing those emotions, say to yourself out loud: “I release these feelings of __________ towards this person, because I don’t want or deserve to feel this way anymore!” Keep going through the list one by one, and when you have finished the entire list, take that paper outside in a safe area, and SET IT ON FIRE! Yes, you heard that right. SET IT ON FIRE! As you light it and watch it burn, focus on releasing all the negative emotions that person made you feel. Because you don’t deserve to feel that way. Release that person from taking up space in your head!
Step 4. Continue doing this for each and every person on your list. Like I said, it will take some time, but you should notice a positive shift in your mind, the more you do it.
Step 5. Once you have gotten through this process, you may find that you are holding anger at yourself, for allowing yourself to be treated badly. To get through this stage you need to give yourself more love. Think of a little child that is crying in pain. How would you treat that child? Would you yell at them, belittle them? Of course not. You would show the child love and compassion. This is what you need to do for yourself. Start by looking at yourself in the mirror each day and saying “I love you”. Start to develop boundaries with other people. Say no to others that are trying to take advantage of you. Walk away from people that are abusive and disrespectful. See how things start to change. People will literally start treating you better once they see that you respect yourself, and expect that from others.
If you start today, you will be on the road to emotional freedom faster than you think!